My son isn’t a fan of cake. Don’t get me wrong, he’ll eat a piece if offered one at a party, but it’s not his go-to dessert. His sister loves to bake and will make him naked cupcakes (sans icing), but even then, he’d rather have a Fudge Stripe instead. When his birthday rolled around this year, he asked for one of his sister’s famous chocolate chip cookie cakes with homemade chocolate buttercream icing. She will make sure most of the icing remains on the border, so he gets naked cookie cake while everyone else fights over the chocolate territory. When all a kid asks for is Chick-fil-a nuggets and homemade cookie cake, you make sure he gets them.
I’m a birthday lunatic. We celebrate all month at our house. Everyone’s birthday is special, but Samuel’s birthday has an extra touch of the Divine. You see, Samuel is our third child. After three years of more miscarriages than any human should endure, we gave up trying to have more children. A fertility specialist told me I was greedy and should be happy with what I had. Another doctor told me he was shocked I could have children at all, and I should count my blessings and move on with life. I tried.
I had an IUD implanted and two weeks later was in the hospital with a mysterious infection. I had words with God. The gut-wrenching, soul-crushing words that only the Spirit can speak on your behalf. Miscarriage was not my chosen form of birth control, but that ended up being my only option. At the end of our rope, we were obedient to God’s Word (James 5:14). We went to the elders of our church and asked for healing for my body. If God wanted us to have another child, as He had laid on our hearts, He was the only way it would happen. We also prayed for peace and contentment if His answer was no. That was not easy. Still, we felt called that God intended our family to grow, but we didn’t know how. One month later, the mysterious infection disappeared, and I was pregnant.
I’m the last person to tell you that prayer gave us a child because I know firsthand that sometimes God’s answer is no. I have cried with many women over an answer of no. I have cried with friends who have had their babies taken from their wombs only for the longing to remain. Miscarriage is description-less. Even now, as I try to express the feelings, the only words that come to mind are deep anguish, emptiness, failure, devastation, incompleteness, an aching pain beyond words. I have so many questions about miscarriage and motherhood to ask God. I plan on parking myself at his feet as He comforts me with His Words one day. For now, I pray for women who hear “no,” and I rejoice with those whose arms are filled by birth or adoption.
God has written the story of each of our lives. Our stories have different hills and valleys, but God is the master storyteller, so we trust His plan even when it hurts.
In our story, He gifted us with Samuel. The doctors were shocked. We were shocked. There were many tearful eyes in the delivery room eleven years ago. Every year on his birthday, we are able to share our story about the Giver of Life. God is good, even in miscarriage. Our faith was tested and grown with each child He held in His arms before we will. Just the same, our faith overflows with the four blessings we have on Earth. Samuel, who is named after 1 Samuel 1:20, was born on 1/20.
This is Samuel’s birthday week. So, today when he requested homemade peanut butter cookies, I pulled out the ingredients and turned baking into math class. We have searched for years for the perfect peanut butter cookie recipe. Sadly, we’ve had more disasters than triumphs. Over Christmas, we pieced together a recipe that Samuel declared his undying love for, and it became his new go-to dessert.
As I sit at my laptop with the smell of peanut butter cookies baking in the oven, I am reminded that life is a precious gift to be celebrated. Birthdays are reminders that God has a plan and purpose for every human He gives to the world. Today we are celebrating the gift of Samuel’s life……and the perfect peanut butter cookie.
The Perfect Peanut Butter Cookie
Ingredients:
1 cup of softened butter
1 cup of peanut butter
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of brown sugar
2 eggs
2 ½ cups unbleached flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
Optional: bowl of sugar for rolling, peanut butter cups, chocolate kisses or chocolate pieces)
Directions:
1. Cream butter and sugars. Add peanut butter, eggs, and vanilla.
2. Combine dry ingredients.
3. Combine dry ingredients with creamy mixture of yumminess.
4. Make 1 inch balls and roll them in sugar. Place on cookie sheet. (If using the peanut butter cups, we placed the dough in mini-muffins pans)
5. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes (until they are golden brown).
6. Optional: Place chocolate in the middle of cookie while still warm.
Notice the missing cookie? I have a pretty good idea who swiped it ;).